rev·o·lu·tion /ˌrevəˈlo͞oSHən/ a sudden, complete or marked change in something
The prelude to 2012 started much in the same way it will end, on the red carpet at a Plush Productions NYE Party. As my friend and I approached the camera filming party-goers sharing their new year’s resolutions, I turned to my friend and said, “we do not resolute, WE REVOLOOSH!” And we did. Those who knew me prior to 2012, may find this amusing, but I feel as if 2012 brought me out of my shell. I know, right?? Yes, believe it or not, I was still holding back in many ways. As for all of us, becoming the person I want to be is a journey. And this journey for many years has been about becoming my most authentic self, without pretense.
It’s been an amazing—if not complicated—journey, this year especially.
A large part of my 2012 revolution was to open myself up, freely—without previous fears and judgments, to new opportunities and experiences both personally and professionally. And to more thoroughly engage in the activism and social justice movements I feel so passionate about. When I gave myself over to all the possibilities that lay before me, the world seemed like this wonderful new thing to me. It changed me.
I traveled, without fear: Puerto Rico, Oregon, Vermont, Boston.
I attended conferences and activism events that fed both my mind and soul: Fatty Affair, IDEC, NAAFA Convention, NOLOSE: the revolution just got bigger, National Women’s Studies Association Conference.
I strengthened existing friendships, made new friends and reconnected with friends I thought it unlikely I ever would.
I attended concerts, events, and parties.
Oh, the parties, the dancing, and the men…and women. I danced; teased; flirted; dated; and yes even fucked a few of them (keeping it real people).
And I fell in love…with Hip Hop/Rap and Dancing.
There was soooo much Dancing. From weekend Belly Dancing classes with Raks Africa, to Big Moves Bay Area Free Day of Dance Hip Hop class and more. The occasional Friday night in Oakland at Full Figure Fridays! And every, yes EVERY Saturday night at Thick and Sexy Saturdays, unless I was traveling or sick, I was there!!
And the Hip Hop? Yes, seriously—white chic, driving down El Camino with her Lt. Blue Honda Fit loud and bumpin’ (oh the stop light stares). A friend recently asked me why and my answer made him laugh. I can’t explain it in a way that anyone will truly understand. So I won’t try. Just take a few minutes to listen to a couple of my favorites, Big E “Stay Dry” and “Leave this Club” …perhaps you’ll understand.
As revolutions go, mine has not been without casualties. A very dear friendship came to an abrupt, painful and really unexplainable end. I frequently neglected my writing, even when inspiration hit, I’d opt for social interaction over shutting down and spending time with my words. In the past month this has changed. Expect a book release (and party) in 2013. I made some unintentional, yet glaring missteps in the work environment that challenged me to the core and led me to make a public apology and begin a process of exploring the impact of my personal privilege on others. And with my barriers down, I’ve given people access to my life who don’t deserve it, allowed them to mistreat me, and have lost some of my safe space. But over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a shift. Those people I gave access to, have fallen silent. At first, a bit jarring I can see that this is part of the revolution, the cycle of change. The upshot of these casualties, in hindsight, is that they’ve contributed in so many ways to bringing me to a more authentic place within myself.
And so I prepare to begin 2013 with a clearer vision of who I am, what I’m passionate about, what I want, and how all of that combined impacts others in the world around me. I have no idea what the next year holds in store for me, but I know that I am more open to it, more patient for it and more willing to do what it asks of me than I have ever been before. I’m all in! Bring it on!
Wishing You and Yours a Happy and Joyous New Year!