I just spent a solid hour and twenty minutes in the shower; crying. Last night after returning home from a lazy day watching the football championships from a friends couch, I came home and cried myself to sleep. And on Saturday, after spending the afternoon and evening with some amazing people fixing and enjoying a community dinner followed by dancing with a couple of friends, I dropped a friend at her place and on the drive home, I busted out in full on tears.
I share this, not because I want sympathy, but because keeping things real is important to me. If I dropped the information that I’m changing up my entire life to go on an indefinite road trip adventure with no real plans for a final destination and then went on through it all sharing only the exciting and great parts of it, I would feel like a fraud. I need to share about all aspects of this adventure and that includes the parts that aren’t all shiny and exhilarating.
After a week of sharing my plans with pretty much every person I know and getting incredibly positive support and encouragement, I’ve hit a wall. The anxiety and stress of preparing to move, the overwhelming ever-growing to do list, and the sadness of leaving friends I love behind have found their way through the cheers and elation. Lets be clear. There are no second thoughts. I’m doing this. I want to do this. I’ve been thinking about it and working all the “angles” out for months. And now I’ve pulled the trigger. Adventure awaits. I’m excited and nervous, but damn if there ain’t a shit ton of things to do and friends to spend time with. I’m buggin’ just a bit. Trying with everything I have to keep moving forward and not allow this anxiety to paralyze me. With a three-day weekend, I had the perfect opportunity to get moving on the list. I did, but not until today and then only a couple of things.
Here’s what I’ve decided, I have at least 5 weeks. While I’m going to do my best to not let myself think this is all the time in the world to get things done, what I am going to do is breathe. Relax a little bit and look for a way to get things done without stressing out too much.
So here’s the plan; every day I’ll:
pack one box
complete and check one thing off the “to do” list
do something fun (self-care)
I started today. Tomorrow I’ll do it again. In 5 weeks it will all be done and I’ll be off on whatever adventure awaits me. Guaranteed, there will be more tears as well.